My Testimony of Jesus Christ. November 21st 1997. I was all but under one year old when I was originally baptized in a local Christian church back home in Colorado. To the very day my family still keeps my tiny little baptismal outfit tucked away for safe keeping. Hard to believe one could have fit into such precious little clothes. Born into this “Christian family”, it was a pretty typical scene. Went to church every Sunday, had Sunday school and concluded the day at a local eatery for a Sunday brunch. As a child I really looked forward to the brunch. The Sunday school portion of the day I might as well have skipped. As far as I was concerned, it was just a boring, time consuming part of my day. I would have much rather been riding bikes with my friends to the park, than to have even considered the study at church. It continued like this for many years. Just until I was old enough to say that I was not interested in going. When the age came I grabbed it and I was content with not going anymore. I had my Sunday brunch with the family and that’s all that mattered. I did not give much thought to Jesus back then. To me HE was just a storybook figure. That’s EXACTLY what I thought HE was. Time went on, never even thinking twice or looking back to take stock in myself or anything for that matter. Carefree and young was my exact lifestyle. Although I never did any drugs or drank any alcohol, or smoked cigarettes. Praise the Lord! That’s when I met this intelligent, charming and beautiful girl. I was 18 when she and I met. It was love at first sight. Nobody could ask for anything better. We fell hard for one another. During the first several months of this relationship I learned that my new love was Mormon. Well, I had the usual qualms, speculations and a few good laughs. I moved into her parents house about 6 months later. I decided that I would show my face to the missionaries to see what all the noise was about upstairs. Since I had never really been interested in church before, I really did not know much about anything. So, I figured I would give the Lord a chance and speak to the 2 fellows who came every few days. Besides, my new love and I were already planning on becoming married sooner or later. Of course she wanted a temple marriage, so the only way she could have that was for me to be a Mormon. At the time I had only heard rumors and jokes told to me by others. As I observed over a couple week’s time, the missionaries started to draw me into the picture. Hearing them talk about God and all these nice things, being with my loved one, really sucked me in hard. All the love and peace around me seemed to be A-Okay. So I decided to question them. I talked about marriage to more than one woman. Asked about caffeine and coffee. All the typical crazy things’ people hear about the Mormons. The missionaries drew me in more by telling me what I wanted to hear. It seemed so real and pleasing. To see my loved one with that unforgettable smile on her face, I was history. As soon as I could be baptized I would be. It was not much longer afterwards, I finished my home lessons and became baptized. I did not care to even ask what it meant. I was so wrapped up in the moment with my love that I did not know anything about this ceremony. The only thing I did know was that I must be baptized in the name of the Holy Spirit, in order to reach any 3 levels of heaven waiting for me. I thought that was neat, but once again I was in love with my dream woman.1991: Officially a Mormon now I attended church with my love and her family every Sunday. I thought it was disturbing that the woman had to separate from the men all the time. So church was just something to get over with until I could be with her again. I prayed just about every night. I never had any feelings or answer from Jesus. I was upset and asked Him why he would not answer me, but still nothing. I got very frustrated with Him and life, thinking I was just a nobody to Him. I thought to myself, why have I done all this work for the Lord and He is not guiding or answering my prayers? Not only but a few short weeks later I stopped going to church. I watched as my love came and went most every Sunday. I withdrew from the missionaries whenever they came. Then my love and I started going down hill. By this time 4 years had gone by. Things were bad. I was unemployed, just lounging at my love’s house waiting for her to get home from school. This repeated for 2 more years. Eventually she came home pregnant from some guy and that shocked and depressed me into infinity. Seven years of such a wonderful relationship (At least I had thought) came to and end so abruptly. My faith in any Lord at this time crumbled. My life as I knew it was over. In one last attempt to save my skin I decided to move to Iowa, go to college and get over this old relationship. My very best friend in the whole word was planning on going with me and taking college with me. Just a month b4 I was to go out to Iowa we had a talk and he had mentioned to me how he wanted to be a police officer with me. We would be partners and be together. An awesome and most happy moment. My faith in the Lord was yet to be completely destroyed. I still had a tiny bit of faith left. My friend had mentioned his father was having a difficult time with letting him go to Iowa. Seeming my friend was 24 then I did not see a conflict. I told him to just pack up and come with me since that that’s what he wanted. Later the next night we had a cookout to go to. Everything was great! We talked about school and played baseball and ate a pig that had just been slaughtered and put over an open flame. It was a great time. The next night I was sound asleep. I was awakened by the telephone at around 1:00am. It was the Denver general hospital asking if I had known Robert May. I said yes and asked if all was okay, and why they wanted to know. The operator then hung up on me. I rest my head down upon my pillow. A very eerie and sickening feeling shuddered over my body. I knew something was wrong with my great friend. I rushed to get out of bed and dressed. I sped down to the hospital to see what was the fuss. It was very early in the morning and not much was going on. I wondered where most of the people were. I snooped around a bit. Things were dreadfully quiet. I decided to peep threw this door cause there was some lights on in it. There was my friend’s family with a preacher. They family appeared devastated. The most sinking feeling came over me, one to which I have never experienced before. I knew the worst had happened but I was not readily accepting it. Was not any sooner they saw me that they shew me from that place. I went home and called his sister the next morning. She told me to come see my friend in the hospital and pay my last respects as they were going to take him off of life support. I did, and it was a horrid scene. The shame of it is. The most I remember was his father telling me “If the insurance people contact you, don’t tell them he killed himself”. At this point I left Denver immediately after the funeral. Everything spiritually was going downhill. Everything in life was doing the same. I figured a new start in Iowa would suit me better than being at the source of the pain. I became settled in and decided that I would make peace with the Lord. I called up the missionary’s office and was unsuccessful. Over the next 6 months I continued to call them. I was never able to get anybody out to talk to me. Finally about 2 months after, two young missionaries came to my door. I was happy to see them, yet rather disappointed in the time that it took. They mentioned to me that this was there last week as missionaries, that they were going off the mission next week. I knew then I was in trouble, that I would not be able to get anybody else out here ever again. So we talked a bit, and was very uneventful. I gave them my phone number and asked them to pass it on to the next set of missionaries, to please have them come over. I never heard from one again. At this time I became atheist and life as I knew it became extremely difficult. A situation came up and I missed an entire year of school. I was lethargic and did not care about anything. At this point I began my spiritual crisis. I called the missionary’s houses again, and again over the next year or so.. Each call I placed I became more depressed and soon lost all of my friends in school. I waited a couple months and decided I would call just one more time. This time a sister answered the phone. I told her that I did not know what to say, that I was in a spiritual crisis. I just needed a missionary to come talk to me. What did this fine servant of the Lord tell to me? “Hehehehe and Hahahaha” That’s right, she laughed in my face, didn’t think I was serious. To top it off she went and got her other sister and she proceeded to laugh in my face. She took my number and that’s the last I ever heard from them. This only provoked my crisis and deepened my hurt. I spent an entire year at least, in this condition. I was again carefree and didn’t care about anything. I did what I pleased, when I desired it and on my own schedule. Later, deep down inside I was smoldering in my desire to know the truth. I out rightly said that He did not exist. I believed it very much. Over the next period of time, maybe 6 months, that smolder became a flame. I felt hot to find the truth. Yet this was not enough to get me started. 2-3 months went by and that flame turned into fire. It grew from within me and I could feel it’s every last root within my every limb. I started browsing channels in the internet. I demanded that people take notice of me. Nobody did. I drifted from place to place, watching in to see if I would be acknowledged. A glimmer of interest shone before me as people had welcomed me, only to kick me out for attempting to ask questions. I drifted more as this fire in me grew by the second. I landed in a channel named Christian-outreach and they were responsive and eager to answer my every question. After I spoke with these people for a couple days, somebody recommended I go buy a book that will answer my questions. I placed this book on order and went to pick it up a week later. While in the mall I decided to stop by the Christian bookstore. I ended up spending my entire paycheck on 2 very nice Bibles and a couple other books. Before I could put my car in park upon my arrival home, my fire turned into a raging blaze within me. Starting to read these books and making reference to His word I became a believer in just minutes. Soon my blaze became a raging inferno within my soul. I stayed up for over 72 hours of nonstop reading, when I finally decided I’d better rest. I knew the Lord existed. I knew about Jesus and why he died for us. I felt like such a fool, such a poor and unworthy man before Him. I went slowly into my room, afraid and nervous to pray to Him. For I felt so very insignificant and little before Him. I wondered what I could ever say to make Him hear me. As if He would ever want to hear my small voice. Ashamed with myself and all my years of unfaithfulness to Him I fell to the floor on my week and trembling knees. I began to pray. I stumbled and searched for words. I was lost and confused, interrupted and frustrated. Long pauses went by and I felt he would just laugh at my attempt. For an hour before I prayed I studied a small 2 sentence prayer from one of my books. I had laid the book next to where I would fall to my knees and pray. I had to keep returning to the book to say the words. For every time I put the book down the words would vanish from my mind. I thought to myself, a two sentence prayer I cant even say to you Lord. How unworthy I am before you. Is how I felt. But I knew at that moment the Lord wanted me to speak my very own words to Him. I brought myself to finish the prayer. Just a few mumblings and unintelligible words from me and asking Him to help me pray. I pulled myself to bed. Later that day I awoke and began to read again. Night turned into morning and I was soon tired again. I decided I better go to pray and hit the bed. Nervous and afraid again, I knelt down on my knees and began to pray. That night I prayed as if I had known the Lord all of my life, as if He had always been my best of friends. I never struggled for words. I did not quiver my voice. It was truly an amazing experience. I thank the Lord for delivering me from the Mormon church. I am a firm believer than things in life happen for a reason. I now look back on many situations and times and can come to appreciate the Lords great work. I also look back upon my days in the Mormon church. I had always felt that I was just another person. That I was in the boat with all the others who went to seek the Lord and never received and answer. For all the people who believe this to be true, take a minute to consider this; When I went to the Lord in my past, I seriously and wholeheartedly thought I was being true to Him. That when I prayed I prayed to Him and loved Him. I realize now that it was all an illusion that I had created. When I evaluate the situation now, I come to realize that I was in love with my girlfriend and not the Lord. I was fooling myself to believe that I loved the Lord, when the fact was, I loved the Lord THROUGH my girlfriend. This is why I never received an answer or guidance from Him. I also have come to realize that I was searching for a result. The key word is RESULT. I prayed to Him every night and expected to get something from Him. So when one comes to understand what I am trying to say here, you shall surely see that when I prayed to Him I was expecting or searching for a result. The result was proof that He existed. Does one get this result? I say no. One comes to realize that you need to come to the Lord not searching for a result, but rather searching for Him. I believe this is very important for the person who has not found Him yet, or feels that they are in a similar situation that I was in. I could not draw the line between the result I wanted and the true meaning of what I really needed to search for, Him. So I implore you all who feel neglected or ignored, or rather insignificant or un heard, to try to evaluate yourself again. Maybe there is a situation taking place that is blinding you from the real goal. Maybe you are just searching for a result from Him. Or maybe both, as I was. I know that Jesus Christ is our one true Lord and God, our Savior. He loves each and every one of us as if we were his only son. I know that if I was the only person on the earth, Jesus would have died for me on the cross. He is the alpha and omega and His name, Jesus, is the sweetest name I know. Amen. God Bless you all.

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